I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So squirting runs in the family.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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