Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
