he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
