seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
