i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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