I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
