Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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