sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
