There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
