Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
