i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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