i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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