Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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