life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
