I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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