My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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