the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
