I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
