dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
