I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
