Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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