It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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