I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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