this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
