if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
