Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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