I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
