Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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