so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
