I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
