It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
