Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
