Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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