Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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