Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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