Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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