I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
