I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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