kristin has been a bad kristin
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
