smell my finger.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
