He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
