I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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