I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
