yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
