i permit you to call me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
