Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
