My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
