sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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