i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
