last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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