i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
