He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
